Sunday, September 28, 2014

Day 123 (2014)

Workout: FatBurner

I have not exercised in ten days. In those 10 days, I have been one miserable-ass person (physically.) I have been working a lot, as well as worrying about some financial troubles. Namely, my next vehicle. My Saturn is currently on its last leg now. I had a good run with that car... it's been everywhere with me; everywhere in West Virginia, especially Morgantown, then elsewhere is Pittsburgh, Washington DC, Columbus, Charlotte, Asheville, and Myrtle Beach. But, all good runs must come to an end.

But, today's workout felt GREAT! Love just getting on that mat and getting my sweat rolling.

The Vyvanse and the Lexapro seem to be working as a formidable tag-team with my brain and emotions. That's great. So worried the ADHD & Anxiety meds were gunna try to fight each other, but they're working in harmony.

Not much more to say.



Jim

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Day 122 (2014)

Workout: Energy!

Decided to do some basic DDPYoga today. Wanted to workout, but didn't wanna go on too long. So, Energy was on today's agenda.

Had the day off from work, and I'm headed back to Steubenville tomorrow.

I am so happy I am now on anxiety meds... I do NOT feel jumpy or nervous at all. I don't worry about stupid shit, and if I do, it doesn't ruminate constantly throughout my mind. Frankly, I've had a lot more happier thoughts since I got on those meds. Holy sh*t... these meds actually DO WORK! And, I actually slept through the whole night without waking up once! This is great! Swig of beer for the doctors for prescribing this medical gimmick to me.

Looking forward to the game in Morgantown this weekend vs. #4 Oklahoma. Should be a packed house full of energy.



Jim

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Day 121 (2014)

Workout: FatBurner

Okay, so I haven't done DDPYoga in 12 days. Glad I finally decided to end that. Yes, the bike is nice, but nothing beats a DDPYoga workout. Bustin' ass, sweatin' everywhere, and that's the bottom line!

Yesterday, I went to the doctor. It was a follow-up appointment from my August visit. I've lost 4 lbs since then, and I had to talk to the doctor about my ADHD medicine. Yes, the Vyvanse is doing a great job with helping me focus and concentrate on my work and other bullshit throughout the day...but, as soon as that medicine wore off, my anxiety and irritability shot up like a firework on the 4th of July. Seriously, I was worrying about shit that most likely won't happen. I was making mountains out of molehills in my mind! And, that shit could ruin my interpersonal relationships I have with other people. Hell, my depression ruined a friendship back in April. No way was I going through this again.

Before going to the doctor, I did some research, and found that it may not be a good idea to take ADHD AND anxiety meds at the same time, so I had no idea what to expect. After a long, extensive, and educational session with my doctor, I am still on the Vyvanse... and now I am on Lexapro for my anxiety! The pharmacist told me to take the Vyvanse in the morning as prescribed, and to take the Lexapro later in the day. At lunch, my anxiety went through the roof again! So, I popped that Lexapro sumbitch with my afternoon dose of Flaxseed Oil supplement! And, by the time 1pm rolled around, I was a lot more calm and collected! Holy shit, these meds actually work!

Just gotta roll with the punches the rest of this week. Car's in the shop for repairs and I am tight on money for the next week or so. Don't worry, the Plan B I was going to execute for Atlanta will be executed very soon!

Talk soon!



Jim

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Day 120 (2014)

Workout: Course 3 on the bike

Okay, had a long day in Stupidville today. Had to finish someone else's title, and now I see why they turned it over to me... the last part is a bleeping doozy! So, I spent most of the day on that, and I was going to go to the office and type up most of what I had tomorrow with the intention of going back on Friday. But, the project supervisor asked me to go back up there tomorrow to finish it up and show a new guy around the records room. Hopefully, they're not stupid.

But, tonight, I got on that bike... and I SET NEW RECORDS!!!

I cranked out 10.3 miles and burned off 472 calories! Oh hell yeah!!

Anyway, I gotta go back to Stupidville tomorrow, so it's an early bedtime for me tonight.






Jim

Monday, September 8, 2014

Day 119 (2014)

Workout: Course 2 on the bike

Oh, hey there. Been a while. Sorry about that.

Anyway, tonight's numbers were not record-breaking, but they were 9.96 miles and 453 calories.

Today has been mentally exhausting, I tell ya what. Between driving 2 hours to Stupidville and 2 hours back, then doing research in the courthouse for 5 hours, it makes for a long-ass day. But, the good news is: no parking citations today! Woohoo!

If I'm serious about moving, I need to get my financial house in tip-top shape. So, I decided to get my free annual credit report. And, sure enough, there was some headaches, hassles and horseshit on the reports that aren't even mine! So, it's time to send out a bunch of dispute letters to the agencies telling them, "Get this shit off my reports now! This isn't mine!"

Had fun in Morgantown on Saturday. Love my new season ticket seats... great location for sure. Did have fun at the tailgate... even talked to the person who marginalized me due to my mental illness. Things will never be the same between us, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I actually thanked God today that person was no longer in my life. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders once and for all. Just gotta tie up a few more loose ends and I can begin the process of heading South.

That's it for tonight.



Jim

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Day 118 (2014)

Workout: DDPYoga MixTape

Today was spent working in the office, so I decided to do some DDPYoga on my lunch break. That was much-needed... I sweat even more than I did when I was down in Atlanta last weekend, and I really exerted a LOT of effort and resistance into my workout. Basically, I opened up a case of whoop-ass on my DDPYoga workout today! I needed it, big time. There's nothing better than an excessively sweaty, bust-ass, DDPYoga workout. Today was a huge indicator of that.

This morning, I had a long talk with a buddy of mine, venting some built up frustrations from my time in Atlanta, as well as discussing them with my therapist. I mean, I just let it ALL fly today in the therapist's office. Never dropped so many 'f-bombs' in her presence before. I did NOT hold back! She had to tell me to "chill out" or "calm down" several times. I told her I was feeling calm, but she quickly called me out on it. Fine. I wasn't "madder than a disturbed hornets nest", but I still had some frustrations. Today is the second, and final part of, "Headaches, hassles, and horseshit."

She told me several things:

1) I was so concerned with things going my way perfectly on the Atlanta trip that I didn't allow myself to just enjoy my time down there and enjoy the little and big moments that I should've enjoyed. She said my expectations were unreasonably high, and that I should've applied more "realism" to the whole thing. She said that could be OCD, and we're going to evaluate that situation even further. Yay... another potential mental illness. I asked her, "Wouldn't we just throw that under anxiety?" She said, "We'll evaluate it next session."

2) I need to be more mindful of people and their situations when I take them on vacation with me. Since I'm so used to running things on my vacations, it was the first time I've taken someone else on a vacation with me, and times got tense and terse. She said if I'm going to be taking this person on future vacations with me, I need to just relax, listen, observe, and deal with things better. She said, "Jim, you don't entirely run the show in this case. It seemed that two people ran the show in Atlanta, and you need to learn to compromise. For example, how else do you expect to succeed in business if multiple people run the company, yet you act like your name is the only name on the incorporation papers and accounts?" Good freakin point.

2a) At the same time, I told my therapist about some shit that was bothering me about this other person, and she said I really needed to put my foot down and say something when appropriate. I'm glad my therapist at least agreed on one thing with me. She said, "Next time you see (them), you better tell (them). It does you no good to keep it pent up, and we've discussed what happens when you keep anger and depression pent up." She also said I was a bit of a pushover, and needed to speak up when I felt something wasn't right. She also said if there's an opening (which there was in this instance), I needed to take it. But, she did tell me, "Since (the other person) did apologize for other things, that should be enough."

3) She was proud of me for not drinking any hard alcohol on the trip, but said I was unprepared for the extreme August heat in Atlanta, and I needed to do a better job of drinking a lot of water to counter all the beer I drank. I told her about what happened after the game, and how shit got a bit snippy... she said part of it had to do with the heat exhaustion.

4) She told me, that contrary to what I think, I have time on my side right now. She said I need to worry about and focus more myself, not be in such a damn hurry, give people their space, and let things shake out organically. She reminded me, yet again, that people work at their own pace, and I needed to be mindful of that. She said, "Jim, take your own advice. It could help." She also said, "Time, space, and distance are going to work in your favor if you just let them! Just because the first step is taken doesn't mean you're going to get the end result. Several steps have to be taken for anything to be achieved, including getting what you want." She also said, "Stop being so damn impatient."

5) She was very glad to hear that some friendships were fixed in Atlanta. She liked the suggestion that I was given: "fake it til I make it" if I didn't wanna be around them. But, when I ran into these people, it was genuine. I did tell her about the situation we ran into Thursday night, and she said I should've taken the initiative and gotten us out of that situation sooner.

6) She also made sure to mention, "Pretending to wanna fight someone isn't funny. You could've had your ass whipped. Then you would've really been upset and humiliated!" I agreed. Not going to further elaborate on that one publicly. That was a rather embarrassing moment for me, in retrospect.

She told me, "Next time you go on any kind of vacation, whether on your own or with another person, come talk to me first before you leave so we can get you better equipped to handle certain situations. You've made a lot of progress since April, but you still have a long way to go." Then, she dropped the bomb on me, "I think we're going to add one more month to this program and you'll be done before Christmas as opposed to Thanksgiving." Not even an early release for good behavior, I asked her? She said, "Jim, you need to learn how to handle some situations better. You did a great job in most situations, but there are situations I feel you need some improvement on." I asked her, "Such as...?" She replied, "Being considerate of others is the main one!" She also mentioned that she wants to see if I can get through the whole football season without hard liquor, and to see how I handle certain social situations.

Today was, honestly, one of the best counseling sessions I've ever had. She let me spew the bullshit and frustration from my brain, but, she was honest with me and it bruised my ego at times (yes, sometimes my ego gets bruised, too.) At the same time, though, I feel a hell of a lot better and am now willing to let things play out. Who knows, I may wind up laughing at something (or someone) along the way.

Anyway, I'm going to rest up and get ready for another long-ass drive to dirty-ass Steubenville tomorrow.



Jim

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Day 117 (2014)

Workout: Exercise Bike, Course 2

SHATTERED records on the bike this morning. Apparently, I had a lot of pent-up frustration from the weekend. Headaches, hassles and horseshit! Wow! I also managed to lose 0.4 lbs with a vacation in between weigh-ins! I think I will definitely hit 250 by the end of the year. Next goal is 270.

10.3 miles
469 calories burned!

I really pushed my ass on that bike this morning after not exercising on Sunday and Monday. Of course, on Sunday and Monday, I was dragging a lot of ass. You try driving from here to Asheville, then from Asheville to Atlanta, and then doing it all again. 1209 miles total my ass was behind the wheel. I did all the driving! Still didn't break my Super Bowl trip record of 1,666 miles.

I had a fun weekend in Atlanta. I could've done without the humidity, though. Got to spend a lot of time with a woman that means the world to me, got to see my friends from Myrtle Beach, my cousin, as well as met a long-time twitter friend. Plus, a friendship was also repaired in Atlanta. It was, overall, a good weekend. Would've been better had WVU managed to beat Alabama. A 10-point loss isn't a "win", but it's a foundation to build on for the rest of the season.

Sunday and Monday were ass-dragging days for us. The car ride back to Asheville was long (because my GPS made it that way... I'm going to have to see what gimmick the GPS was pulling on me. I just punch in the address and hit "GO." Plus, when you have two exhausted and cranky people in the car, it tends to be a bit quiet. I hate quiet car rides. I would've listened to my music, but I had no idea where the hell my headphones disappeared off to at the time. Apparently, they were in one of my many pairs of shorts in my dirty clothes bag. But, we both apologized to each other several times for our behavior when we were tired and cranky. It's fine. In close friendships like that, you have to take the good with the bad. I can't wait to spend more time with this woman, and that's the bottom line. During that time, we bonded, we got closer to each other as friends, we talked about our lives, past, present and future. I met and bonded with her dog (who is really cute, for the record.) I told her everything regarding my depression... what led to it, what events made it worse, and what finally pushed me over the edge. During this story, she told me I needed to take a drink of my Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Hell yeah, so swig of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale for Sarah! But, I was honest with two people: myself and Sarah. Honesty is about as refreshing as a cold water after a workout.

Funny story from Friday morning: Sarah's dog needed to go outside to do her business, so I took it upon myself to leash the dog up and let the dog do her thing. Sure enough, she didn't waste any time at all (My dog, Lady, could stand to take notes. haha) and we were ready to go back inside. But, the door was locked. Somehow, my dumbass managed to lock me and this dog out! After patiently waiting for 10 minutes, I finally knocked on the door, and I was informed her roommate locks the door from the inside when they leave for work.

Have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I'm REALLY going to let the bullshit fly tomorrow in her office. She's definitely getting an earful. I had some frustrations that built up over the weekend in Atlanta. I had some concerns, and I need to run this by my therapist before I spew it on here. Because, there is a good chance that I could be wrong. Yes, I admitted I could be wrong. Wanna fight about it?

Anyway, time to get my ass cleaned up and meet a good friend for lunch. Haven't seen them since February. And, we all know how much my February sucked.


Be spewin' some more horseshit tomorrow!



Jim